why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
