I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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