he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
