You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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