But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
