Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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