I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
