My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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