I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
