woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
