We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize