just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
