you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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