worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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