At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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