If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im part way to drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
