As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
