why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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