Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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