I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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