I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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