Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
