Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
