wanna go halves on a baby?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
