Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
