i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize