just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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