I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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