There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you never un-have a 4some
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
