apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
