I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
