Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
