I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize