umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i think i just lost a toe
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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