I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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