I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
