I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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