this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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