The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
