So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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