If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
