Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
