taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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