I can tuck mytits in my pants
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
