Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
