I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize