I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
