I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
