i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
