one might say we're banned from that church
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Congratulations! We have a period
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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