I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
