Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
