You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
