Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize