I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
