these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
