I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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