Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
