just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You dont lie about slip and slides
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
