dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
