There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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