we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
