I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
