Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
