Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
