hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
