At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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