you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
