i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
