I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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