Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
