Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
