New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
