He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just took my morning after pill in the library
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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