My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
