If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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