please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is glitter all over my balls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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