i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
