Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize