Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
