I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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