you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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