would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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