Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
