So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize