Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
