Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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