Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize