She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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