She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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