do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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