Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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