You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
