Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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