when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
