I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
